With so many things going on in my mind, I am blogging in Global Perspectives lecture now.

Ever since that blog post yesterday, I haven't been myself. Yesterday was filled with tears and emotions, today is filled with angst and irritation.

Sincerely appreciate it if you guys don't irritate me any further. Thanks!

Myeyesaregoingtoclosesoon,
YSL ♥

As I read Charmaine's blog, I thought about my Grandma and Uncle who lost to cancer. I think 3 of my other grandparents (whom I've never gotten a chance to see) died of cancer too. I'm not very sure about that.

Come to think of it, if that's really the case, cancer has taken 5 family members away from me. F-I-V-E.

I can't help but to cry so hard every time I think about it. Even as I am blogging now, I'm bawling my eyes out.

The pain is indescribable. I can't describe this. It's like, I've never really spent quality time with them, but they had to leave me so soon. I didn't even get the chance to hug them once more. I didn't even get a chance to say goodbye to any of them.

When Grandma left, I was in school. When Uncle left, I was on the way to my aunty's house to pick smth up.
When I was born, my 3 other grandparents were not around.

Why?

I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling. I hate this feeling.

I want to control my tears but I am sorry I can't. They just keep rolling down my cheeks.

I feel so terribly hurt whenever I'm reminded of the deaths of them. I would constantly remind myself not to think about how much they suffered before they passed away, but every time, it ended up in an abject failure and like tonight, tears flowed down as if from a tap.

I can't express enough how devastated I am right now. It's 3.08am in the morning and here I am on my bed, with my iPhone, blogging and crying at the same time; making myself sound barely coherent.

I know that there is nothing I can do. All I can say and do is to cherish every single one around you. Never take anybody for granted. You'll regret it one fine day.

I know I am selfish, but I'd rather die before any of my loved ones so that I wouldn't need to bid another eternal goodbye. However, I reflected. It should be the other way round if I love them. I don't know why I'm talking about such stuff. Maybe because I'm afraid, maybe because I'm exceptionally emotional tonight.

To all who have lost the battle to the terrible monster named Cancer, you've won in my heart and I will always be proud of you.

And I'll never forgive this monster.

Missyousomuch,
YSL ♥

How do you feel when nobody trusts you? How do you feel when you fall badly and scar yourself permanently? How do you feel when everyone misunderstands you? How do you feel when someone you love says that he/she hates you?

Do you feel upset? Do you feel hurt?

Even if you do, does it feel worse than having to see your own child disintegrate and eventually die before you?

I don't know if you've heard of this blog, but I've been following it for as long as I knew it existed. It's actually a blog meant for Charmaine, the "Feisty Princess", maintained by her Mommy Cyn, Godma Jolene and another friend named Charlene.

The blog is mainly about how Charmaine, a sweet-looking girl whose smile melts and touches everyone's heart, battled with her cancer, her difficult days, her kind-of-got-a-little-better moments, her no-we-are-totally-wrong days, her hospitalization stays, her sufferings, her medications, and finally, her death.

Every time I read this blog, tears will definitely well up in my eyes. It's hard not to cry. Even as a stranger, I feel for this family, let alone their friends and relatives. I'd leave it up to you guys to read it or not, but I just wanna say something.

I really admire Charmaine's Mommy Cyn and Brother Jase. They have been so brave ever since Feisty Princess' death. I... I am lost for words. I can't describe it. You have to read it to know what I'm talking about.

I feel that Mommy Cyn has already done her best to cope with her daughter's loss, even though she always claims otherwise. I know I wouldn't be able to fully understand how she feels, but somehow, a major part of me just wanna contact her and let her know that she's a brave woman. I wanna send a huge chunky paragraph of words to encourage her, and let her know that everyone is supporting her and Jase.

I really wanna give her moral support. Even though some might not think that it is practical, to me, I think it does. I don't know if it'll be the same for Mommy Cyn, but I feel so terribly hurt whenever I read her entries for Charmaine. It's really heart-wrenching.

I hope that one day, Mommy Cyn will be able to pull herself together, with support from her relatives and friends, and her son, Jase. In all honesty, both Mommy Cyn and Jase have been doing really well and even though I'm a nobody to them, I'm very proud of them!

Also, Charmaine's story has also touched me tremendously. I hope that this little Princess is free from all the sufferings, pain, and medication, and is looking over her Mommy and Brother in wherever she is. Little warrior, you've done it and you did well. It was a difficult battle, but I'm sure that in many hearts, you're the ultimate winner.

Although you're gone, you taught everyone some valuable lessons in Life, and these we'll remember forever. We should all learn from you to be optimistic and cheerful. We should all learn from your fighting spirit. We should all learn never to give up. I don't know you personally, but I am envious of those who knew you, because it must have been such a joy and pleasure to interact with you.

Dear Charmaine, your story has touched countless hearts and we're all proud of you. Stay happy in wherever you are, and remember to look out for those you love dearly. I don't know if this is true, but if possible, appear in their dreams. Trust me, even though they will wake up with tears rolling down their cheeks, they will be more than happy to see you once more.

Read http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/ to know more about her. Trust me, your tear glands will be immediately activated. Mine did, and I'm sure yours will too.

Wishing all the best to Charmaine's Mommy Cyn, Brother Jase, Godma Jolene, and all who love her. Y'all are awesome. :)

XOXO,

YSL ♥

Hello guys! I've finally added a tagboard here. Please feel free to tag me because it'll make me feel more motivated upon knowing that I still have people reading my not-very-interesting updates! :)

I will blog again soon. Not tonight though. I'm really busy with my assignments. The avalanche is back to haunt me :( Shall go on a short hiatus before I continue with my loooooooooooong posts. For now, I'll TRY to update in bite-size yeah. :)

Love y'all.

Till then, please miss me. X

Goodnighteverybody,

YSL ♥

Today, I read an article regarding early childhood teachers. Do take some time to read it especially if you look down on us.

http://theonlinecitizen.com/2010/03/early-childhood-teachers-why-are-they-being-frowned-upon/

"I know someone from Australia and she told me a story that stayed with me for a long time.

She had gone to a party and met some new people, but there was one gentleman that she remembered in particular. They had a casual conversation and he asked about her profession. With such pride, she announced that she just completed her research with such success that she was awarded a PHD. He was impressed and congratulated her.

Then came the next question, “What was your field of study?”

“Early childhood”, she replied.

Almost instantly, he cracked a smile and said “Yeah right. What is it really?”

Now she felt offended and assured him that it was not a joke.

“You mean there is a PHD in early childhood? How hard could that be?” was what he said.

She is an incredible woman who had faith in researching early childhood, but was mocked and ridiculed for her choice.

Recently, another friend of mine confided in me and said that she had never felt worse in her life. She had to admit to her own family that she has been studying in the early childhood field and was pursuing a career as a pre-school teacher. She said, “I saw the change in how they treated me and it hurts.”

She had kept that secret for three years and felt that after earning a degree in early childhood, she would earn some respect from her own family. She was wrong. Her own family loathed her in pity and shame. But why? Is a pre-school teacher really someone who should be frowned upon? Should they be degraded to the point that they don’t deserve respect?

Early childhood teachers in Singapore are not just stereotyped. This impression that some have of us is completely wrong. We live by the words of Sigmund Frued, Lev Vgotsky and Jean Piaget. Their research with children transcends the ordinary and has inspired how all of us view children.

In the early 1900s, children were not respected as unique individuals but merely treated as smaller adults. Child labour was a norm and parents refuse to send children to school. It is the work of these bright minds and the teachers who took their research to heart that made the world look upon the early years as the turning point of an individual’s life.

Within these early years, 75% of the child’s brain is developed. The first three years is the critical period, where the rate of acquisition of new skills is at an optimum. Based on this research, teachers all around the world have been unceasing in their efforts in providing exceptional care to children. We lift children high up in the air so that the world can see them. We give them the confidence to be themselves and we show them that the world is theirs to conquer. The way I see it, an early childhood teacher can either give you confidence or crush it. This is because a child never forgets and they take good and bad experiences with them throughout their lives.

For those who are still wondering, yes there is a Degree, a Masters and a PHD programme in early childhood and it is not based on how you teach ABCs. We learn child psychology to understand the emotional ups and downs in a child’s life. We learn first aid so that we can nurse a child in emergency situations. We learn brain development so that we can develop their cognitive abilities.

Before you start to judge pre-school teachers, realize that you have put your prized treasure in our hands. Your children is the nation’s future. The people you degrade are the very people who fill the hearts of your children with compassion, love and joy. These people whom you frown upon are the very people who would be there whole-heartedly for your children even when we are being mocked at. You trust doctors with your lives and you respect them for their service. But teachers are responsible for something more important — the lives of your children — and you degrade them? Within those school hours, teachers are responsible, for the health, safety, emotional well-being and academic development of your children. We don’t do it for the money. We do it because we see children like no else does, for their potential.

We will dash into a burning building for them. If that does not earn us the respect, I have no choice but to lose faith in humanity. I stand proud as a teacher and I hope many others who are in the field of early childhood would join me."

I know that some of you might not read everything, and thus I feel that it is pointless to explain to y'all. Well, it just kinda speaks up for early childhood educators. I'm not trying to make my profession sound like the most noble one on Earth, but I feel that just like any other profession, early childhood educators deserve respect too.

Weareallthesame,

YSL ♥

Wow! I just checked my blog stats and I was shocked to know that 93 people viewed my blog yesterday! I know that 1-2 views definitely came from me because I refresh my blog before and after I post an entry, but what about the other 91?!!!!

Seriously, it gets kind of scary when you don't know who's reading your blog. I don't mind people reading it, if not I would have privatized it, right? But I just wanna have a rough idea of who are reading it!!!!!!

93 is not a big number but for a nobody like me, it is! I'm not some famous blogger who gets a few thousands hits per day. To be able to hit 20 is already a big deal! Let alone 93........

I know I am making a mountain out of a molehill but....... aiya never mind. LOL.

Alright, I have tons of assignments waiting for me to attend to. I'll blog again sooooooon! :)

Iwannaloseweightsososososobadly,

YSL ♥

Someday, I hope to be proud of myself.

Goodnight,
YSL ♥

No, I'm not here to tell you about how I spent my Chinese New Year. I'll do so when I have more pictures to share. BUT I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY....

I'm damn freaking depressed because I look super fat in every photo, I'm serious. Sigh I really don't know what to say. I just hope that I can lose weight easily :(

I am really tired of complaining how fat I am. People just don't understand. It's the kind of sense of insecurity that I feel and.... sigh it's ok, you skinny people won't get it.

Let's move on to what I'm here for!

Today, I'm gonna show you my collection of lotions. I really love lotions (be it body lotion or hand cream)! You'll never go wrong if you buy me lotion as a gift. HAHAHA oh and perfume too! Preferably floral scent. HAHAHHA!!!

Edmund gave me this for Christmas 2010 and I haven't even finished using it. I love it though! :)
Bought all these from Takashimaya and I really love the scent especially the baby blue tube on the extreme left. :)
"Stolen" from Venetian (left) and Galaxy (right), Macao. Yeah, from the hotels! Hahahaha. :)
Don't underestimate Vaseline. I really love the scent and the texture! :)
Omg I've been using this since young and it's really good! :)
Bought this from Hong Kong's Sasa to try because apparently, Cindy Jie Jie told me Jurlique is a good brand and that I would love it! :)
Mel got the perfume and I got the lotion! Haha. :)
This candied ginger series is so pathetic. No one likes it except me. :( BUT I LOVE YOU CANDIED GINGER :)
The body icing that Wei Lee bought for me from Sephora for Christmas 2011! :)
Crabtree & Evelyn lotion set (I finished the hand therapy already) that Cindy Jie Jie or Aunty Helen gave me! :)

Random sakura hand cream that I bought from Japan. :)
L'occitane's Verbana series :)
Random oatmeal hand cream that I bought from Hong Kong's Sasa to try! :)
I LOVE THE SCENT OF THIS OMG!!!! Val bought it for me from USA and it's damn good. Does anyone know where else carries this? :)
MY ENTIRE COLLECTION! :)

Actually to be very honest, it seems that I don't have many. BUT I REALLY HAVE QUITE A BIT AND I'M AFRAID I CAN'T USE THEM ALL. Is there like an expiry date for lotions? I have a few that I haven't opened months/years after I purchased them!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok that's all.

Byebyebyebyebyegongxifacai,

YSL ♥

When the going gets tough, the tough.......... gives up.

Iamthe'tough',

YSL ♥

It's 1.08am now and I am blogging using my iPhone. I can't freaking get to sleep because...

1) I really feel like vomiting but I can't
2) My nose is blocked and when I lie down, I can't breathe

By the way, let me update y'all about my post-ablation situation. Yes, you're bored of it, I know... BUT LET ME SAY THIS CUZ IT IS IMPORTANT.

Yesterday, that is 20th Jan 2012 (Friday), I had my first ever attack after the ablation! I'm given 1 year to monitor my situation and if it happens again, there MIGHT be a possibility of recurrence.

Whaaaaat.... It has only been less than 3 weeks! But anyway, I guess it's pretty normal to have a few attacks after the ablation. Idk, but that's what I read online.

Babe told me to call Dr Ng first thing in the morning. I hope that it's nothing serious if not..... LOL another ablation wth.

(Sidetrack: I actually stuffed tissue into my nose and LOL I hope the nostrils don't expand hahahhaha)

So anyway, I doubt it's serious because the symptoms were not so bad. At least, I didn't feel like fainting or vomiting. And the best thing was that it lasted for a few minutes only!!!! No more 3-4 hours kinda attacks!

Well but I still hope for good news. Will let you guys know again tomorrow!

Time flies! In a few days' time, it's gonna be Chinese New Year. It will be the 5th one without Ah Ma. Things have definitely gotten back on track for everybody, but I won't deny that sometimes, the misses for her escalate soooo much. I miss her very much. And I wanna see Ah Gong. :'(

Whenever I see people complaining about their parents or grandparents, I feel like slapping them. Well I know they are free to tweet whatever they want but sometimes, I really wonder how they even have the heart to talk bad about them. Sigh....

Ok, enough of such random topics. I shall try to fall asleep now because I have to work at 9am!!!!!

Oh wait! Let me tell y'all something.

I AM SLEEPING WITH MY LIGHTS SWITCHED OFF TONIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #cheapthrill

Sweet dreams to all! x

Loveallofyou,
YSL ♥